As the COVID-19 pandemic draws on, and the postponing of MLB games enters its third week, the office of the Commissioner of Baseball continues hard at work to bringing back baseball in the fastest and safest way possible. Discussions of how to do so have jumped between hot and cold, literally.
Last week, the MLB made public a plan to relocate the entire league to Arizona, where all teams would play their games in the Spring Training and collegiate facilities available. The plan faced scrutiny from players and fans, as it seemed too much of a logistical challenge. Another issue raised was the concern of having players play in Arizona during the extreme summer heat.
Upon hearing that concern, Commissioner Rob Manfred quickly adapted his plan and announced that the MLB would host their games in a different location: Antarctica.
“So, you sissies can’t take a little heat? Fine. We’ll play in the North Pole, then”, said the Commissioner in response to the heat concerns. “I dare anyone to find a flaw in that plan. It is isolated. There are no confirmed cases of COVID-19. There is plenty of space to play our games. The local emperor penguin governments have voiced support for the idea. And, it is not hot.”
While everything the Commissioner said was true, there still appeared to be multiple questions on reporters’ minds. However, Manfred waved them off, saying he “had to go to work on making sure we do this in the fastes- uh, I mean, SAFEST wave possible.”
The Eephus 