Seasons of roster-crippling injuries have led the San Francisco Giants’ top brass to take measures to protect their players. The latest of which is the team’s introduction of a new type of bullpen cart.
“As you can see, our bullpen is 100 feet from the mound,” explained Giants manager Bruce Bochy. “And, with our injury history, a lot can happen in those 100 feet. Hence, why we brought in the Bullpen Cart. But, did you know that our bullpen mounds are 12 feet away from the Bullpen Cart? It’s simply an unnecessary risk to have our pitchers trek those 12 feet. Therefore, we’ve brought in the Bullpen Cart Cart that will safely cart our pitchers from the bullpen mound to the Bullpen Cart that will take them to the mound.”
The team held an unveiling ceremony earlier, this week, to the applause of several team executives and injured pitchers. Among them was Giants’ ace, Madison Bumgarner, in a full-body cast. “This is absolutely a pleasant surprise,” remarked the Giants lefty. “First, I make it back from my yearly offseason motocross-riding-bear-wrestling retreat, and now I find out that the team has shown its continued dedication to protect me at the most dangerous points of my career.”
Auditions for the role of driver of the Bullpen Cart Cart have gone underway. It was last reported that Dale Earnhardt and Danica Patrick were the favorites to fill the role.
The Eephus 